So, I wiped away the tears, pulled myself up by the bootstraps and walked my stubborn self to the rocking chair. Of course, A was right there with me. He had just started instigating his sisters. It was a great way to diffuse the situation and try a new approach.
During our first rocking session he brought up the first time he met us. He asked me if I remembered. He said he wasn't sure if we were the family for him, but once he saw the other children he knew we were. He said he was so happy to have a family.
The next day he gave me a warm hug and said, "Mommy, I love you with all my heart."
On day 3 he started another conversation. He told me he had never been rocked before. Ever.
It is so hard to attach to him. He is usually taking the role of trouble maker. He can sit quietly and contently until another child comes to me. Then he'll need my attention! Most of the time he'll do something he knows is not okay. He'll ask for whatever the other child has- no matter what it is. He doesn't want or need it. He just can't have someone else have something that he is not having. I find it very difficult to find much pleasure with him.
But after just three days of rocking I'm finding that soft spot again. It's funny, when he and his sister first became part of our family I always had in my mind that they came from a bad place. They've seen things I have never seen. They've lived a life I would never wish for anyone to live.
Be gentle.
Be patient.
Be kind.
Help him to feel secure- for the very first time.
As difficult as he can be, I need to be reminded of who he is and where he came from. He spent the first 4 years of his life sighting to survive. Those survival strategies and behaviors are still very much alive and kicking in this little guy. I need to remember that and carry on accordingly. Deal with him in a loving way. Help him to heal.
All this in just 3 rocking sessions.
To those about to rock.. be ready for some changes. I can't wait to see where this journey takes us.
